I am tired of feeling like I am living the life of Walter Mitty

For the entirety of my conscious life, I have only really wanted two things: To be a masterful combatant and to be physically strong. By my own reckoning, I have yet to achieve either one. As I have grown older, I have added other wants and desires: A good, honorable woman who would stand the tests of time by my side, my written work published and valued, a sail boat of my own that I could sail anywhere the wind took me. I thought I was well on the way to achieving at least one of the latter, but I was wrong. Many people have said that it is only when you are staring bleakness in the face, when you are sunk into that bottomless thing we call despair, that inner realization can come. A very close friend of mine, who is always ready with the hard truth, helped provide the final piece that led me to bring my plan for this year into fruition, a plan that will finally bring me in line with the above goals and lead to their achievement.

I can proudly say that I have strongly resisted the call to conform my whole life, that I live as free as I can, that I am considered honorable among my friends. Yet I can also say that I have struggled mightily with my inner confidence, that often have I wrestled with my inner demons and been thrown down. Too often, in truth, to really achieve my truest goals and the blame for that rests at no one's feet but my own.

Now, I truly see that my Road is mine alone and it is up to me to master it until the day Valhal calls. Let change come. My sails are strong. They have stood the strain of time under pressure and now they fill with wind. I call to the sky for challenge and bend my legs to the strain, knowing that it is in this moment that life is truly lived.